To: My Louet Gems Merino yarn.
Okay, so our first attempt at lace was a bit of a trial. Thanks for putting up with my knuckle headed questions. Then you decided to look all ratty and insisted I start you again. I figured you, the fiber, would know best and followed your suggestion, snipping off the used bit and casting on again.
You were patient while I kinked up a circular trying to pick up the stitches at the bottom so I could create the picot edge just a bit better. And then you told me it was far too much for you to tolerate. Thank You.
There was that point where I felt like a genius when I used Vogue Knitting Fall 2005's Turkish cast on as a provisional cast on, seeing as it creates two rows of knitting and the (treacherous, deceitful) petticoat pattern called for that. You seemed immensely patient. Then when I did the yo, k2tog successfully, knit four more rows, and based on good faith, got through two laborious repeats of the lace pattern, decided to reveal to me the two stitches that were dropped AND not knit together. Thank you, ever so much, for pointing out the error of my ways. Yet again, I listened to your sage advice and ripped you back. You tolerated my abuse with careworn sighs and a slight fuss. Nonetheless, you rallied.
I cast on again. At some point, I have come to realize that this is a joint effort and you are sabotaging this, you perfidious yarn in cahoots with the pattern. By this point we have lopped off two cuffs and cast on more than a handful of times. If it wasn't a problem with the cast on, it was a problem with the picot (last time), or a problem joining the edging with the temporary cast on (a few times before that).
Perhaps you are silently protesting my decision to migrate from lovely Brittany Birch 2.75mm (US #2.5) short dpns to Prym 2.5 mm #2's which were pointier and a full inch longer. It didn't seem you objected to splitting less. I certainly wasn't complaining of cramped hands anymore, but you could have let your displeasure be known. Do you not like being jabbed with 5 pointy dpns, one circ, and a tapestry needle wedged along your outer bands?
Your anecdotes were shared with my boyfriend who suggested I not do a fancy cuff. I resisted. The time you've consumed during the weekend which could have been better (and possibly even more enjoyably) spent on homework in this last leg of a frantic summer quarter.
Yet you do not agree. Just WHAT do I have to bribe you with? These silent protests are getting to me, you hear? Do you just hate the Petticoat socks pattern? Are you trying not to hurt my feelings? Because, my dear Louet Gems Merino, I really would like us to be upfront with each other. I'd really like us to be friends. Bosom friends, as Anne of Green Gables would say.
Your perfidious treachery has been noticed. There are plenty of patterns other sock knitters are enjoyably and quickly knitting along. I would not want to give my sock pal a substandard sock. You do know there's a ball of Plymouth Sockotta in the most glorious purple riding your tail, desperately wanting to be knit in all of its self patterning glory. It is more qualified than you are. It is more suited for the California Climate, being cotton, and requires only the most basic sock pattern. It has proved itself to work up in a aesthetically pleasing manner, despite requiring some extra work. However, it is nowhere NEAR as high-maintenance as you are.
I strongly recommend you reconsider your stance. We'll give this one last try, yes? Because I can sympathize if you're having a bad week. I ask you to try and show some effort, yes? Perhaps it is not you (is it the pattern? You can tell me if it is. Really). Perhaps you want to go rest in the stash? I didn't mean it as a threat. You'll still get knit up. Eventually. Perhaps when you're an old maid. And your mate is separated from you as a return.
Really, Louet, I know this is an issue with both of us. Don't you go pointing your woolly tinked fuzziness at me and deny all semblances of responsibility. I can knit cables. I can even tolerably knit eyelash. There is a record of a mostly successful sock. I, as the manipulator, do hold some responsibility, but it is not. all. my. fault. I resent my perception of you saying this, even if you aren't. It is ticking me off. But, let us make peace with each other. Conflict is so tiring and hurtful.
With Regards (as to what type, you may infer),
Your Knitter, Freecia.